Confidence, Utah, and Regrets

I have a struggle. My struggle is called confidence. I'll admit, it's been a much easier struggle as of late, but everyday it's a choice. I love having confidence. It is like a virus, once you contract it you can spread it quickly. I took a trip to Utah this past Spring break and it really changed the way I look at myself. Nine days in the desert, living like gypsies, climbing desert towers... That's something I call paradise. However, at the time I didn't realize that and I kick myself everyday thinking of the grief I caused not only myself but others. I was struggling with a serious lack of confidence. I started the trip filled with dread and fear thinking that I was headed to my death. I thought myself a poor climber and terribly out of shape for trudging up and down large hills. This poor mindset caused me not to enjoy myself for a lot of the time. I was scared and angry at myself because of the fear. How could I have let it get so bad?? Here I was experiencing a once in a lifetime adventure, and I was letting myself be swayed by doubt. If there is anything I could take back in my lifetime, it would be those moments. My poor reflection of myself drove away the people I loved most, and I lost so much more than I could have ever imagined. I'm sitting here in Plato's Closet waiting for them to process my buys, and I feel like throwing up. People, listen to me... Confidence is SO important. Not only for your own sake and sanity, but for those around you, for those you love. A dear friend once told me it is hard to love someone who doesn't love themselves. Well I've learned that lesson the hard way, and I would never wish anyone to reach a point like I have.