On the fifth day of my journey I decided to go on a run. There is a trail that runs through the little town of Duvall and ends in North Bend, at RattleSnake Lake. It is 31 miles, and I will tell you now that I did not do the entire thing, though I am proud to say I put several miles beneath my shoes. I do not often run outside, not in public anyways. I prefer running through wooded areas, through ferns and forests, in places where I am certain to meet few people. Running down a well-known trail is not something that I am often inclined to do, so this was a pretty big deal for me. Fortunately, the day was cold and dreary, as is Washington custom, and few people had ventured out. The first few miles were rough, and I began to regret the neglect I had been showing to my legs. After a while though, I fell into a comfortable pace, and my mind and eyes began to wander. The landscape around the trail is actually very beautiful. It leads you through agricultural valleys, with small, picturesque farms, streams, and some remarkable views of the surrounding mountains. To say the least, I was enchanted. Even the cold, which normally drives into me like a stake, seemed to have relinquished its power. I felt incredibly at peace, as if it were only God and I on that long and misty trail.
On my way back, I slowed myself to a walk, took my earphones out, and soaked up the silence. I asked God who He was, and what He would reveal to me today. I heard no voice, no answer in my head, and so I decided He was not yet ready to tell me. As I stared into the passing waters, the fields impregnated with new rain, it occurred to me how strangely calm everything was. There was no wind, no leaves blowing, no trees bending, no ripples in the water; it was simply still. I happened to look up then, just as an eagle was gliding noiselessly overhead. It did not appear to be in any sort of pursuit, no hunting, no seeking... in fact, the eagle looked like it was enjoying itself, caught in some invisible current, floating above the tree tops and the lives of people down below. In that moment God spoke to me. Still. I am still. I laughed joyfully. In the stillness He is there, in the quiet He is present. God is as powerful in a silent fog as He is in the rage of the storm. How truly remarkable. Later that night as I began my prayers, I realized that even then God is still. He is still because He is listening. Perhaps that is another of His traits, or perhaps it just goes hand in hand with Him being still. God listens. Even when we are sure He isn't. He is always listening, even when I am droning on and on about my worries and my upsets and my sorrows. I am amazed at His patience, for I know that my own complaints are tedious enough. To engage in an entire world's complaints? Well, God is remarkable.
"How can a being so powerful as yourself stand being still? I have a hard time being still for one second."
"And that's why you've had a hard time finding me. I dwell in the stillness. There is peace here."
"I feel like being still is... a waste of time. We only have one life."
"You were created to glorify me. Do it in the stillness."
"That always sounds, forgive me, a little selfish."
"Is it? I did give you life, I give you love and mercy. I want your appreciation."
"Isn't there a difference between appreciating and glorifying? Don't get me wrong, you deserve praise..."
"But?"
"There should be no 'but.' I'm stupid to question you."
"I have no problem with you asking me questions. Questions spark conversation, and I love to talk to you. It's when you have doubt that I have a problem."
"We've been over this time and time again. I am trying, but trusting is so hard."
"I know, and I am proud of you for it. This is the closest we've been in a long time. You've learned so much already, and I can not wait to reveal more of my heart to you."
"I regret not having done this sooner."
"What matters is that you're doing it now. Just don't lose it."
"But you can see the future... you're God! You know if I am going to stray or get lazy..."
"But the choice is up to you. You can choose to continue relationship with me, or you can choose to end it."
"Well obviously I choose you."
"Good. Just remember that when distractions arise. I'll always be here, you just need to seek me out."
"In the stillness?"
"In everything."
I really have a problem with being still. My mind is apt to wander into realms too deep and too profound for it to be, so I try my best to keep my body busy and my mind occupied elsewhere. When I begin to settle is when I begin to fall back into the deep bog of discontent and mindless worry. I think, that in these times, I need to focus less on myself and more on God. What is it He is trying to convey? What does the stillness hold? It was a moment of stillness that led me to begin this transforming journey, and I do believe that many more journeys lie in wait in the quiet of God's presence.
"Be still, and know that I am God."
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