God is a contradiction. A paradox, an amalgamation, if you will. He is a divine being with a character composed of conflicting ideas. In the bible we see Him taking a meditative stroll through a garden, and in the very same book, casting out demons and calming storms. He is capable of great calamity and great kindness. My God is an assimilation of ferocity and gentleness.
As a kid, you probably heard folks say that you inherited certain traits from your parents. Some boys adopt the work ethic of their fathers, some girls receive the rebelliousness of their mothers (or visa versa). It is a rare thing when a child does not obtain something from their begetters aside from physical similarity. On the third day of my lesson with God, I realized that I have acquired the ferocity and gentleness of God. This dawned on me while looking back over the years of my life, my hobbies, the things that captivate my mind, and the things that I did on this particular day- day number of three of my pilgrimage. Now, my mother bequeathed to me a lot of beautiful china and expensive glassware that had been collecting dust and bugs in an old drawer in my cottage. This fact sorrowed me, so I set out that morning to right it. I spent the early part of the day tenderly washing each and every plate, hand drying every piece of crystal, and airing out place mats and other linens. Now, when evening came, it was a different story entirely. I began my first kravmaga class, and spent the majority of that night beating on my classmates, getting beat on in return, doing push-ups, laps, squats and burpees, and learning to fight. Our instructors yelled and screamed and smacked us upside the heads when we failed to do maneuvers correctly. To say the least, it was a far cry from my dish washing experience of earlier. As vastly different as these two pastimes are, I enjoy them both. My very soul bears a divine love of things fierce and quiet. I am a rock climber and a scuba diver, a lover of strong winds and mountains. I have chased lions across African plains, hunted deer through lush forests, and climbed great spires stationed deep in immense deserts. In the same lifetime I have enjoyed lace and pearls. I have sang for great audiences, taken tender photos of children, read more books than I can recall, drank deep of love, and yes, I even created a "Pinterest wedding board." The urges within my being are wild and impulsive, but riddled with grace and beauty. God's own character lives within me.
"God, sometimes I don't understand your subtleness. Why not just make yourself more known? Why don't you just put yourself out there? So many more people would believe if you revealed yourself in a way that they couldn't deny."
"When a teacher is showing you something, do they simply tell you the answer? Or do they show you the steps to get there? You learn so much more in the searching."
"Okay, well tell me this... are you a perfect balance of fierceness and gentleness? Does one outweigh the other?"
"Read my word. You tell me."
So I did. I discovered that God's gentleness comes from His love for us. God's love is deep, not measurable by any human standards. When we betray that perfect love, it breaks His heart and His punishments fall swift. But there is ever a love, a gentleness behind every blow of retribution. If God was only fierce, He would smite us. Clearing the world of us would make His job much easier...but He doesn't because of His immense love. His love and His mercy stay His hand.
Right now I have a lot on my mind. Some days my heart breaks, but right now I am so joyful. God has done so much for me, more than I could ever hope to have deserved. He is a dream-giving, merciful, fierce, gentle God and for the first time in my life I am truly beginning to know Him.
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